"Kiss Me If You Can!!!"

What is the point, really, of kissing? We make such fuss about it and truthfully, it hasn't always been an indication of love. Believe me, once upon a time, it used to be a sign of respect. LMAO! That's a funny one. I really can't imagine kissing a person cos I respect her.

In this part of our world, kissing a dude's the first step to a big deal, so generally, girls take their time... sometimes, too much time even...

Imagine this scenario: I'm alone with this ebony beauty at her favourite hang out spot, we've already had two previous dates in the space of 1 month. We talked a lot about our past relationships and we don't need Oprah to tell us we are compatible. We just know.

I am certain she's feeling the boy and I too am loving her charisma (and her figure 8 sha). First date, was lunch at Monty Suites. Second was swimming at Axari Hotels. The phone calls, constant and on point. Now marina resort, (I don show working na), what next. THE KISS !

We are both staring at the undulating sea, she turns to look at me, and I return the focus. I move a little closer and her glossed lips parts slightly, she is anticipating, her body language is saying to me "Nigga get over here and give me the kiss of life". (hehehehe)

So I move closer, and closer and time seems to freeze, the air seems so soothing, the water whistles softly, the perfect moment, nothing could go wrong.

Just when my lips are about to meet hers, the impossible happens, she turns away sharply.

WTF!

 I read her body language again and this time it says "Nigga, seriously?!, you taught I would kiss you? you never start"

This and other experiences have led me to believe that Kissing in our Nigerian context, is a situation of 'Kiss me if you can'.

But why?

In a place like Yankee, you could meet a girl, bring her some flowers and chocolate, spend quality time with her and Bam! the kiss. In Nigeria, you take a girl out, meet her friends, get to know her, shop and tire, be on the way to see her parents, go for the kiss and Bam! She dodges. Omo mehnn! Puzzling ain't it?

I questioned some of my female friends in Nigeria, on this phenomenon and they had a lot to say.

Some said they naturally dislike kissing. A host of them qualified kissing as sinful. Others said they actually do like kissing but Nigerian guys are terrible at it so they avoid it altogether. One said she is scared of kissing because some guys fail to clean their mouths properly, according to her, 'the fear of a dirty mouth is the beginning of wisdom'. (Lol! That cracked me up!) A particular lady intimated me in confidence that she stays away from kissing or anything resembling kissing, because it gives her orgasms. Oops!

Life is certainly full of surprises.

After looking up kissing on the fountain of all knowledge, Google, I realised that, Kissing has been practised since the beginning of time. It first started in the form of animals feeding their young ones with their mouths. Then in 1500 B.C most couples pressed and rubbed their noses together as a show of love and affection. So I'm guessing here that at some point, a guy slipped and found the lips more enticing and pleasurable. Maybe he was like 'Damn girl from now on, I don't wanna rub your nose no more, I want to kiss those lips, come here stone age mama'... Just Maybe.

But 500 years later, the phenomenon of kissing had come to stay and was seen in 'Mahabharata' an epic poem.

"She set her mouth to my mouth and made a noise that produced pleasure in me".

Ladies and gentlemen this is how kissing came to existence.

My dear readers, the guys especially, I want to apologise in advance because I may not be able to give you a text book answer as to the reason why Our Nigerian babes almost never kiss you on your first attempt, but I assure you, there is light at the end of this tunnel.

It is common wisdom that kissing never originated in this part of the world, it is an imported custom, and like every borrowed custom it is not fully and utterly accepted.

Our girls are an embodiment of pride and virtuousness, so don't expect her to jump on your lips immediately you make that move. She doesn't wanna be dubbed 'Cheap'. Good things don't come cheap... or so they say.

There is always a second and third chance. Like a coke or fanta promo will say, 'Try again'.

I did kiss my acquaintance on the fourth try, (when she wasn't even looking). Funny, this time she posed no resistance. Again life is full of surprises.

But my dear, if on your umpteenth try, she still decides to fall your hand, have patience. You will definitely have that kiss on your wedding night.